Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Inside and Outside

My sore throat has abated. My cold has developed. Not really in the mood for blogging but just having got an internet connection going again, I could hardly justify not blogging tonight.

Being ill kind of cocoons one from the world outside. Normality is suspended along with routines and relationships. It was just me and a bottle of lucozade today.

It wasn’t total isolation, like solitary confinement. For example, work rang a couple of times to piece together what should be going on – that did not help with my feeling of guilt for not being there and I did take N for his swimming lesson but I seemed to be living in an existential moment for the whole day where I seemed to be on the outside of a goldfish bowl all the time.

My friend rang earlier this evening to see how I was and to talk about some stuff at work. Thanks S, by the way, if you’re reading this, it meant a lot to have a chat. Again, I felt as though I was taking part in the conversation but at the same time felt strangely outside it too; an eavesdropper on my own voice.

Maybe it’s the lucozade.

Anyway, bed beckons and work awaits tomorrow. Not looking forward to it if truth be known but it’ll be fine, once I get going.

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